“Empty”

I and Archaeologist Husband were worried how Number One Son would take the new house. We should not have been! He really enjoys the fact that the staircase is with angles, so we could get rid of the baby gates and he can get to the toilet when he wants to in the morning. He can now freely climb the stairs and move between upstairs and downstairs.

His room is not filled with our chest of drawers and wardrobe, but has only his toys inside. We will need some more furniture, but that will not be a problem. Sooner or later, when the time and money matters allow, the piles of clothes will vanish.

We now have a garden that does not have the right of way of two different neighbours. The lawn is not in shadows most of the day, but draws full sunshine facing south. It also has a spacious patio area next to the kitchen in the shade.

Number One Son was upset by the emptiness of our previous home, when I showed it to him on the moving day after it had been emptied and cleaned. I hoped to give him closure with the old place and a sense of not belonging there anymore. His little shouts of ‘hempty’, ‘hempty’, while moving from one empty room to another were slightly heartbreaking, but afterwards when we have tried to fetch any post, he has just wanted to go home from the empty house. He also enjoys his longer walk to the nursery with passing cats, alley ways and interesting cars and trailers.

Parents’ school induction: praise for a county council school

It is scary – very scary. Number One Son will start Reception Class in late August and we parents had an induction last night. One has to move proceed from a simple toddler mode to something more advanced. The Early Years Foundation class look pretty much like the room at the nursery, but Number One Son have to still brush up a couple of skills in order to be prepared for a new environment. Luckily, he can put his socks on now, if he really wants to. If there is something interesting enough outside, he will also master his shoes in no time. But coat is still beyond his capabilities.

As a Finn, I am totally lost at sea with the school uniform and had to ask REALLY stupid questions from the school administrator about purchasing their crested sweatshirts and bags in the near future. First time ever I heard the words PE kit said to me and Archaeologist Husband. This was something I may have overheard in the sitcom Outnumbered. Luckily, the induction pack comes with lists of compulsory items (with photographs). Now it is down to trying to figure how many shirts and pairs of trousers Number One Son will be trashing in a week.

One element we were made feel more comfortable about is the practical help in encouraging Number One Son’s speech development. The school has a classroom assistant who is trained speech therapists, so he will get two short special sessions a week. Where other parents can have sensible discussions with their offspring we are still doing very basic tying up words together as in ‘dog gone’ and ‘Tom home house’. It is a mystery to us what he thinks about going to school and if he knows what a school is. He does not usually answer to our question about how his day has been, so we are not totally sure who he counts as his best friends now. He makes progress all the time, but we cannot always understand what he tries to say - to the frustration of both parties.

The situation where you have an educated classroom assistant who is helping children in need of help with their speech and pronunciation monitored and helped by a county council speech therapist makes me think about the new policies on stand-alone primaries with an academy status and the promised cull of classroom assistants. They are doing a good job here and now the government tries to close down these existing services and make schools to cobble together some kind of provision – if there is enough money in the academy budget. How lucky we are with Number One Son’s school! And just a thought that it may be at just the right time makes me shiver...

Mr Grumpy

Sometimes driving with Number One Son is far from fun. There is this window in the late afternoon when his blood sugar is low and he starts to be tired of all the activities during the day. This time of the day coincides with the time when you normally are returning from different places. If it is the Finnish Saturday School on every other Saturday or a visit to the park on Sunday. When walking, you have to drag or trick your off-spring to follow you. If you are driving, you may have more noise than you have bargained for.

Just today I was returning from a shopping trip - against Number One Son's will. Even going to the shopping centre was too much - which I can understand - but you cannot avoid necessary purchases. I am sure he would have liked to have a pop to the museum or to the city farm instead. Naturally, being a weekday after his nursery, it was also the time all the workers were returning home from the Walkers factory nearby. Not only did I have to queue, but also listen to the continuous chorus of 'No, no, no', Followed by my repeated 'yes, yes, YES'. Slowly, slowly, the resistance was futile.

Finding their limits

Some teachers and commentators have lately called for adults to let children to find their limits and even to have small bruises in order to get an idea of the dangers and possibilities of the world. I have previously in my blog discussed the fact that I would love my son to do more rock climbing and enjoy nature fully – but I just cannot bare watching, since I am dead certain that the next step will lead to a fall down the nearest cliff. I was reminded of this feeling this Bank Holiday Monday.

It was a glorious day – not your average rain-washed Bank holiday. Unlike the every grey day afterwards. It was starting to be cooler and windier, but the sun was shining brightly and momentarily in a more covered spot one could feel the heat. Archaeological Husband had naturally fallen ill exactly the moment the long weekend started, so everything was slightly mooted and the farthest one would consider wandering was driving to Bradgate Park.

After taking Number One Son to the Finnish School on Saturday and to see dinosaurs on Sunday, it was time to have a walk in the park. When looking at Number One Son falling flat on his belly on the tarmac after trying to come down, a.k.a. unwillingly running down, a steepish slope, I realised how little he has actually faced the elements. This has not been helped by the longest winter ever. It is late May and it has been so cold. Number One Son insisted having his winter hat, scarf and gloves on one morning this week before heading to the nursery!

Nevertheless, in Bradgate Park I found a spot where I can let Number One Son to learn how to deal with the elements. A stream runs through the park and in one of the bends after the waterfall water is not too deep and the sides of the stream are not too high. It is a perfect spot to let Number One Son to take his shoes off and leaving his trousers behind (after they became wet) and paddling in the stream. At least he learnt that the stones in the rivers are slimy and it is easy to slip. Luckily, I had change for him with me, so I did not have to return to the car with a drenched son!

Not listening – no problem with ear hearing!

Now it has been scientifically proven that Number One has no problems with his hearing, so any moments of not hearing are totally related to his ‘selective listening’. Funnily enough, recently there was an article online in a Finnish newspaper about the children between about three and six years of age who ignore regularly their parents. Poor parents feel like talking to the walls, but it is apparently just a phase.

At least I and Archaeologist Husband have learnt to confiscate whatever toy Number One Son is fidgeting with at any moment, if he refuses to listen to our suggestions to go to bed, have lunch or fetch his shoes so we can go out from the house. If the toy is dear enough, we may be making progress to the right direction. Literately tempting our son towards the wanted direction.

Nothing is worse than a headstrong son. Firstly, you see your own stubbornness reflected on you. Secondly, you have to live with the consequences. Recently, I made a mistake to go one afternoon to a bookshop in the centre to use a book token. Sillily, I expected Number One Son to listen to the reason and follow me back to the parked car after our fleeting visit to the History and Children’s sections. No – I had to carry him in the end, since the paid time was almost up and the parking wardens have been lately more than active. Scarily so. Heading towards the museum and park way would have been more for his taste.

Nothing quite makes you feeling unsure as a parent as the passing police when you try to drag your screaming outspring pass their car...

A parent on the go

It is tough both for both parents when their child falls ill and the other parent is away. I got an advance notice what will lie ahead, when Number One Son suddenly fell ill, while I am travelling from one place to another in order to fulfil work and other commitments. One will happily attend a conference or work away when one knows that everything is fine and childcare will provide decent working hours for the other half.

Only the phone messages tell about the agony in the other end, while the other party tries to get ahead with the task in hand. When one does not see one’s child, there is no tangible idea how ill the child is and how deep is the unhappiness and possible sheer pain. A parent can only hope that the other party does not become too tired to cope in the short term.

The situation is not so bad when one can head to home in the evening and comfort the child and give the other parent a respite. However, if one has to run off the following days in order to keep the promised work commitments and the other half can only keep holding the 'baby', there will be guilt. Hopefully not blame, if the other half at home does not face too much of a loss of income.

Potentially, this situation will be lived as a long-distance reality in one season’s time. This thought is scary, but unfortunately, during these harsh economic times, one has to try to ‘bring in the bacon’. Of course, Archaeologist Husband may get his revenge when he will be working abroad during the summer and I will look after Number One Son.

The importance of support

After Number One Son started to misbehave in the nursery, we approached the speech therapy services and asked for more support. As a result we got a long extra home visit that has been really beneficial, since we got advice relevant to the current developmental phase Number One Son is going through. Archaeologist Husband was present during the visit as well, so we had intensive training into the correct strategies and the speech therapist could assess Number One Son’s speech properly.

Now we know to apply input modelling in order to improve his pronunciation and try to introduce more verbs – partly helped by the game cards found under his bed when cleaning up. Storing all the presents and keeping his room at least in some order means that you forget what he actually has. Now we can play with delightful Finnish animal cards. It is good to have relatives and ‘godless parents’ who remember Number One Son.

It seems that his developmental progress is the key element to the new gains. Now he happily repeats words and goes ‘mm-mmm’ with you. Six months ago this was a distant dream and I was getting frustrated explaining everything in two word simple sentences and supporting his English while trying to keep his passive Finnish skills intact. Now he even occasionally repeats a word of Finnish. Not often, but ‘Ei’, ‘No’ in Finnish comes quickly if he really does not want something.

What does this learning curve teach us? It shows that one has to keep asking for support and inform authorities of any negative changes. With the normal schedule of monitoring visits, the speech therapist would have realised the need for support well into the summer term, and Number One Son would have got improved help only by the time of the reception class entry. One now only wonders how the families shy to ‘cause trouble’ or insist for help are managing to get support is anybody’s guess. Same question was aired by another NCT mother, whose child has a joint condition that was only spotted after they asked their GP for a referral to a pediatrician after the child did not learn to walk properly.